While it's commonly understood that 'marriage takes work,' few couples really understand what this means. They often think 'work' involves disentangling problems when they occur. While this is one aspect of keeping a relationship healthy, there are many other elements that require attention on a regular basis. If you are married or if you are planning to get married in the near future, you might consider these recommendations for good marriage maintenance.

1. Spend quality time together.
I'm often surprised by how little time couples spend with each other. This is especially true of two career couples who have children. The job, the house, the kids, the chores, the car, social obligations --- these often take precedence over the marriage and spending quality time with each other. Couples forget that relationships require relating! That means talking, hanging out, being together on some kind of regular basis. Having sex is not a substitute for talking and spending exclusive time with each other - though that's important too.

One of the best ways to cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage is to have fun together! Logging in good experiences with each other goes a long way towards helping you get through the rough patches. Those good experiences stand as a motivator and reminder of what you had and what you can have again. It's the gas in the tank that keeps you going!

2. Demonstrate your love.
I'm not talking specifically about sex here, although that can be one of the ways couples communicate their positive feelings for one another. I use the word can because sex doesn't automatically equate with showing or demonstrating love.

Sex is a form of communication. At its best, it is a way of communicating on both a physical and an emotional level. It can be a powerful way of 'telling' your partner how you feel about them and how much they mean to you.

But there are many other ways of showing love besides sex. Physical affection and verbal demonstrativeness are equally and perhaps more important in some ways - because they can occur more frequently throughout the day. Thoughtful behavior that conveys you are thinking about your partner or considering their feelings when it comes to decisions also communicates caring.

In addition, doing something special for your partner shows them that you care. This doesn't have to be expensive. A text, a phone call, a note in their brief case, folding the laundry, taking an extra turn at putting the kids to bed, renting a movie, cooking a favorite meal - all of these are of demonstrations of love.

It might be a good exercise for you and your partner to each make a list of ten behaviors the other could engage in that would communicate how much they care about you. Share your lists with each other. You might be surprised how little it takes for you to make your partner feel special.

3. Make up for disappointments.
Disappointing your partner is inevitable BUT, what you do to repair the damage is really important. Granted, there are injuries and disappointments (e.g. cheating, being abusive, etc.) that are so big no amount of making up is going to truly repair the damage that's been done to the relationship. However, your partner is much more likely to get over being disappointed with you if you make a sincere effort to repair the damage you've done. The best way to do that is to take responsibility for screwing up. Here's a word to the wise....don't end or begin your apology by making excuses for your behavior. This is like saying, "I'm sorry but I have a really good reason for behaving badly." Believe me - they are not interested in your excuses - they just want to know you are genuinely sorry. If you can convey your sincere regret, this will go a long way towards repairing the rupture between you. Also, you can ask your partner how to make up for the disappointment you caused them. Hopefully, they'll ask for something reasonable. If they don't - then they're probably not ready to forgive you.

4. Express your appreciation.
Appreciation is part of the glue that keeps a relationship and a marriage together. All of us get criticized way too much - by ourselves, by each other, by our bosses, kids, siblings, co-workers, etc. All of us crave recognition - even if we don't or won't admit it. It feels good to have someone say - "I really appreciate you taking time to ________________ (fill in the blank).

Expressing appreciation is a way of letting the other person know you see them! We live busy lives. Having someone stop long enough to express their appreciation is like a tiny oasis in an otherwise frenetic and impersonal world. It's nourishing - like good food or a great night's sleep. It's the mortar between the bricks in a relationship. Ignore it at your peril. If your partner feels invisible in your relationship, they are more likely to seek recognition and appreciation elsewhere.

5. Complain regularly.
This may seem like weird advice but part of good relationship maintenance involves expressing your dissatisfactions openly, kindly and regularly. I'm not talking about nitpicking every little thing. In fact, I think couples need to choose their battles carefully - just go after the truly bothersome issues. BUT, I think it's critically important not to store up disappointments. These can turn into resentments which can lead one or both of you to explode over something trivial. Expressing upsets also prevents distance from creeping into the relationship. If distance develops and remains for too long, it can be difficult to bridge.

There's one piece of homework I often give couples. I ask them to schedule a weekly summit with each other. During the summit, I ask each person to bring up three behaviors the other engaged in during the week that they especially appreciated. I ask them to follow this up by making three requests or complaints - behaviors their partner engaged in, or failed to engage in that they would like to see improved upon. This is a fairly non-threatening way to accomplish change in a relationship.

It's important to remember that complaining is different from criticizing. Criticizing is personal and it's often experienced as an attack. Critical statements frequently begin with, "You...." In contrast, complaining statements begin with "I." For example, "I feel neglected when you come home and sit in front of the tv all evening and don't talk to me." As opposed to: "You big bum! All you ever do is watch the tube!"

Constructive complaint is a good technique for keeping your relationship and your marriage free of debris. You'll reap dividends in terms of closeness.

Johanna Nauraine is a professional coach, specializing in premarital, marital, divorce and infertility coaching, career coaching and small business coaching. Read her relationship articles at: http://johannascouch.com.